Moh Hong Buddhist Shrine

The Four Virtues of Right Speech

On these four virtues of 1) not telling lies, 2) no divisive speech, 3) no abusive speech and 4) no idle chatter, we asked our Master for further clarification. She replied with two examples.

Example 1: Do not tell tales/lies

A mother is suffering from a terminal illness. Her daughter is with her when the doctor shares the news. However, not wanting to put emotional burden on the dad and rest of the family, the mother and daughter decide not to disclose the diagnosis from the doctor. How would you advise them?

Our Master explains:

First, let us delve into the reasons behind the reluctance of the mother and daughter to share the doctor’s diagnosis with the dad and the rest of the family. What fears or concerns underlie their decision? Is it a question of the dad’s emotional resilience, or perhaps the potential upheaval within the family dynamic? Understanding these nuances is crucial before proceeding.

Indeed, we must discern whether the dad is emotionally and physically equipped to handle such news. Is he in a stable state to process and cope with the gravity of the situation? Similarly, what are the potential ramifications within the family if the diagnosis is revealed? Are there risks of discord or distress that could arise?

In recognizing these circumstances, we acknowledge the unfolding of karma, bringing the family together in this moment of joy and sorrow. Life is a tapestry of joy and pain, with impermanence weaving through every thread. Accepting this impermanence is paramount to our spiritual growth.

Right speech transcends mere truth-telling; it encompasses the considerations of utility and emotional impact, as well as the timing of our words. Even a truthful statement must be weighed against these factors before being spoken.

In truth, the mother is grappling with a terminal illness—a fact with both utility and emotional weight. Sharing this reality can foster understanding and empathy within the family, allowing them to support her through her journey. However, disclosing such news prematurely or to those unprepared may exacerbate the situation.

The emotional resonance of this truth reverberates not only within the immediate family but also among her extended relatives and friends. It reshapes their perceptions and expectations of her future, invoking feelings of sorrow and adjustment.

With this understanding, we must discern the appropriateness of sharing this information with each individual and gauge the right moment for doing so. For the dad, if his health or emotional well-being is fragile, withholding the news temporarily may be prudent, waiting for a more opportune time. As for the children and siblings, the decision to disclose depends on the potential benefits to them and their readiness to receive such news.

In essence, the principle of right speech guides us to speak truthfully, yet with discernment and compassion, considering the welfare and readiness of both speaker and listener.

Example 2: Do not gossip

Someone within our Shrine community has been diagnosed with cancer and, as often happens, the news ripples through our circle. Concerned volunteers begin exchanging information—details about the individual, their circumstances, and the challenges faced by their family, including the husband’s struggles with heart problems and depression.

In their compassion, some members feel compelled to gather and visit the afflicted individual, to offer comfort and support. They approach our Master seeking guidance on their intentions.

In response, our Master offers this wisdom:

Upon hearing news, whether it be factual or mere hearsay, we are tasked with a responsibility before we utter a single word. If the information comes directly from the individual involved, our first step must be to seek their explicit consent before sharing it further. Respecting their autonomy and privacy is paramount, regardless of the nature of the information.

However, if the news is merely hearsay, we must refrain from entertaining it altogether. It is not our place to perpetuate unverified information. Instead, we should gently remind the bearer of such news about the importance of verification and consent before spreading potentially sensitive information. By doing so, we prevent the propagation of gossip that could have unintended and negative consequences.

In this particular case, the well-intentioned visitation plans of our Shrine members could inadvertently burden the afflicted family further. Our actions, though driven by compassion, must be tempered by prudence and mindfulness of the potential impacts on those we seek to support.

正语四美德

1）不说谎，2）不挑拨离间，3）不用恶言相向，4）不无事生非

关于这四项美德，我们向师父请教如何在日常生活中实现。她透过两个实际案例为我们解释

案例一：不编造/散播虚假言论

一位年迈的母亲患有绝症，当医生告知此消息时，女儿刚好在场陪伴着母亲。但是，为了不给爸爸和家里其他人带来情感负担，母亲和女儿决定隐瞒这个事实。请问您会给他们什么建议？

师父解释：

首先，让我们深入了解母亲和女儿不愿与父亲及家庭其他成员分享医生的诊断背后的原因。是什么恐惧或担忧驱使了他们的想要隐瞒消息的意愿？

选择隐瞒是建设在父亲情绪承担能力吗？或是担心告知家人朋友后可能会造成关系及情绪上的浮动？在选择告知他人之前，事先了解并探讨，其微妙和细微的影响力，至关重要。

我们得先能够实现判断父亲是否拥有承担【被告知】的能量。生理及心理都有能力，承担如此沉重的消息。父亲的身心灵状态是否稳定？同样的，在选择告知，或不告知亲友母亲的诊断结，将可能为亲友们带来那些影响？选择告知，或选择隐瞒，是否存在一些潜在风险，或为大家带来某种的情绪负担？

在探讨这些状况的同时，我们也必须虚心的接受因果业力的牵引，所有生命的相聚离散，欢乐痛苦，健康病痛，生老病死，都属于生命旅途的过程。所有的结束，都有开始，所有的开始也必定有结尾。人有悲欢离合，月有阴晴圆缺，在混乱的情绪中，我们更需要，并且虚心接受生命是欢乐与痛苦的织锦，而无常贯穿其间。

虚心接受生命无常，也将幻化为身心灵成长的一个重要的环节。

正确的言语也将因此超越；单纯，且非黑即白，的陈述事实。正语涵盖及考虑到的是，消息真伪，资讯传达，并且其言语的情绪能量，传达方式，接受信息者的情感承受能量，以及言语传达的时机，等等。

所有信息的传达，即便是事实的陈述，我们也都需要在言语前，权衡各种因素。

实际上正在发生信息是 ‘母亲正面临绝症’。

这项消息，是附带着情绪能量，且重要的信息。选择告知，或隐瞒，两者都有其利与弊，选择告知后可能为亲友们发掘同理心，更加理解真实的状况，让大家为她的生命旅程中带来支持。然而，向过早或尚未准备好的人告知，也将可能为大家带来不必要的情绪负担。

这样的消息，是个附带着强大情绪渲染的信息。告知及被告知的亲属们以及母亲与亲友们的关系，都将因此而有所改变。这样的真相不仅对她的先生和孩子，同时也对她的兄弟姐妹和周围的人，都带来一定程度上的情绪渲染。

有了以上的理解及深思，我们才能更好的判断及选择，告知，或不告知的适当性，并评估适合的告知时机，告知及传达信息的方式。

对于父亲，假设他的健康或情感能量不稳定，我们更需要谨慎的思考其告知及隐瞒的适当性，谨慎衡量其告知（或隐瞒）的时机。至于孩子及亲友们，我们也如同必须权衡及深思告知后，带来的利与弊，以及亲友们，身心灵的承受能力是否足够，且准备好接受这样的消息。

本质上，正语原则上指导我们真诚地说话，但同时，我们也需要培养一定的辨识能力，同理心，并且深思，告知者及被告知者的各种微妙因素，权衡其微妙的利弊得失，及对大家带来的好坏影响。

案例二：不散播八卦，不无事生非

我们听说XYZ太太得了癌症。佛堂的志愿者开始窃窃私语。

“谁、发生了什么事、多么伤心及可怜 、她的先生患有心脏病和忧郁症。”

出自于善意，大家想要前去一起探望她。志愿者纷纷向师父寻求建议。

师父解释：

当我们接到这项消息时，无论这是已经确认过真实发生的事情，或是还没确认的传闻及八卦。我们在言语前都必须承担言语后将带来的潜在责任。

假如如果这个消息是由当事人直接告知的事实，我们必须事先取得他们的同意才能分享。我们也将在第一时间，尊重当事人的意愿，并且在言语前，得到当事人的同意。我们必须尊重当事人的“自主权”以及“隐私权”。

假如这个消息仅仅是传闻及八卦，我们则不不应该在无法确认资讯正当性前进行散播。我们甚至不应该理会。反之，我们更应该温柔的劝导及提醒，谣言止于智者。

这里，我们能够理解到，虽然言语的行为建立在善意及同情心的基础上，我们也必须谨慎及深思，言语后可能带来的种种影响。拜访的好意有可能会不经意的带给他人不必要的困扰。

what is right speech?

So often we hear about friends fighting because someone had said something that has offended someone else.

In the heat of the moment it is easy to blurt out whatever we feel. Often, in a state of anger, we say things just to spite the other person. Hit below the belt, as some would say.

Society encourages us to speak our minds. Unfortunately, if the mind is untrained and remains tainted with misconceptions and illusions, speaking our mind could sometimes cause pain and harm for ourself and others.

There is a Chinese saying that illnesses are often caused by what we eat, and problems are often caused by our speech.

Right Speech is not just about not telling lies or gossiping. It is about stating what is true, at the right time when it is beneficial to others.

Speech is such a common thing. Humans engage in it for nearly every waking moment. Even in our dream state, we dream about conversations we have with others. It is one action that we do often without thinking much about it.

Right Speech fundamentally is to uphold the 4 basic virtues of 1) not telling lies, 2) no divisive speech, 3) no abusive speech and 4) no idle chatter.

When you engage in lies, rude language, speaking ill to cause discord and engaging in mindless gossip, they only serve to distract your mind and create hardship for yourself and others around you.

While you may not feel it at that time of speaking, it will affect you and others down the road. Make an effort to control your harsh speech at all times, keep vigilant and stay away from idle talk, and be mindful not to lie.

Related in one sutra (Abhaya Sutta), The Buddha explains the factors that determine what is and is not worth saying. There are three:
whether or not a statement is true
whether or not it is beneficial, and
whether or not it is pleasing to others.

This virtue of right speech in different situations is thus based on its truth value, utility value and emotive content.

Here is an extract for you:

[1] In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be unfactual, untrue, unbeneficial (or: not connected with the goal), unendearing and disagreeable to others, he does not say them.

[2] In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, unbeneficial, unendearing and disagreeable to others, he does not say them.

[3] In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be unfactual, untrue, unbeneficial, but endearing and agreeable to others, he does not say them.

[4] In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, unbeneficial, but endearing and agreeable to others, he does not say them.

[5] In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, and beneficial, but unendearing and disagreeable to others, he has a sense of the proper time for saying them.

[6] In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, beneficial, and endearing and agreeable to others, he has a sense of the proper time for saying them. Why is that? Because the Tathagata has sympathy for living beings.”

The Buddha would only state those things that are true and beneficial. He would also have a sense of time for when pleasing and unpleasing things should be said. A false statement no matter how beneficial is not entertained.

I urge you to practice Right Speech. Right Speech is not just a step in the Eightfold Path, it has significance in cultivating the One Heart.

什么是正语？

我们经常听到朋友因为某人说了讨厌的话而争吵。常常我们会一时冲动说出自己当下的情绪。
因为一时的愤怒或是一时的情绪上的不受控，说一些刺激对方或者伤害对方自尊心的话。
社会鼓励我们要勇于表达自己的意見和想法。同时，如果我们的思维未达到一定的历练，并且充满了各种对人生观的误解 ，我们的言语也将因此为他人和自己带来不必要的痛苦和伤害。正如谚语所说，病从口入，祸从口出。

正语是在恰当的时间，建立在有益于他人的前提下，陈述事实，而不仅仅是简单的“不撒谎，不八卦。

言语是人类每时每刻都会需要进行的社交行为，即使在睡梦中，我们也会梦到与他人的对话。同时，我们也通常不会对”言语“这件社交行为多加思考。

佛学的“正语“的基本概念是建立在主要的四个美德：1）不说谎，2）不挑拨离间，3）不用恶语相向，4）不闲聊。

相反地，当你说谎、恶意的言语相向、用言语进行挑拨离间，以及参与毫无意义的闲聊及八卦，你的注意力将因而涣散及不集中，因此，这将为你和身边的人带来不必要的困扰。

或许你在言语的当下可能没有多大的感触，但这些不当的言语将在未来的日子对你和其他人带来一定的影响。所以我们更应时刻的努力练习佛学中的“正语”，透过正语的基本四大概念，不说谎，控制情绪性的言语，远离无意义的八卦闲聊，平且谨记不说谎。

佛陀在一部经典中《无畏王子经》解析了判断言语，是否值得说的三个主要因素：陈述是否真实，是否有益，是否讨人喜欢。因此，正确的言语“正语”在不同的情况下，取决于其真实性、实用性和其情感内容。以下是节选：
[1] 关于那些如来知道是不真实、不真正、不有益（或：与目标无关）、不可爱和令人不悦的话语，他不说。
[2] 关于那些如来知道是真实、真正、不有益、不可爱和令人不悦的话语，他不说。
[3] 关于那些如来知道是真实、真正、有益但不可爱和令人不悦的话语，他有适当的时机来说。
[4] 关于那些如来知道是不真实、不真正、不有益但可爱和令人愉快的话语，他不说。
[5] 关于那些如来知道是真实、真正、不有益但可爱和令人愉快的话语，他不说。

[6] 关于那些如来知道是真实、真正、有益和可爱和令人愉快的话语，他有适当的时机来说。为什么？因为如来怜悯众生。

佛陀只说真实和有益的话语。他也知道在何时说令人愉快和不愉快的话语。不论有多么有益，虚假的话语都不会被接受。

我敦促你实践正语。因为这正语不只是八正道的一步，对培养一心有着重要的意义。